How to NOT Make a Difference in the World

One of the things that we hear most often from people is how great it is that SheHopes is making a difference in the world, and how they could never do something like that. We’ve heard many reasons WHY people aren’t able to:

I’m too busy. (Yep, said it.)

I’m just a mom. (I’ve said this, too.)

I wouldn’t know where to even begin. (Right there with you, Sister.)

I’m not brave enough to travel like you do. (I get it. Hugging my family goodbye is the worst part of every trip.)

The truth is that YOU CAN CHANGE THE WORLD. It doesn’t always require starting a nonprofit, teaching self-defense, or traveling the world. Thank goodness it doesn’t start out like that! If someone had told me that my first YES to doing ONE THING to help women in India would turn into leaving my family for weeks at a time, being up to my eyeballs in the ocean of paperwork that it takes to start a 501c3, working in four countries, researching the socioeconomic impact of job growth in East Africa, or learning about domestic violence laws of southern India - I would have been paralyzed with fear and probably wouldn’t have said yes. On the other side of this process, I wouldn’t trade the last four years for anything, but that’s because making a big impact in the world doesn’t come from giant leaps - it comes in baby steps. The smallest things can create the biggest change and the most HOPE.

That’s all well and good, but that’s not what we’re here to talk about today. What if you are content right where you are and don’t want to make a difference? Today we’re talking about how to NOT change the world. If you are NOT INTERESTED in making a difference in the world - here are 5 easy steps and exactly what you need to do:

Don't learn about, value, or celebrate cultures, races, beliefs, or experiences that are different than your own.

Nelson Madela said, “Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.” Education for girls is one of the main pillars of what we do around the world, but it also applies to our own lives. When we educate ourselves on other cultures, histories, religions, stories, and experiences the world doesn’t feel so big and scary. When we know more about the world and people around us we see the beauty and humanity in the customs, foods, languages, joys, and struggles. When we learn, our hearts and eyes open up to so much more than what is in our little bubble. Sometimes we learn things about ourselves, cultures, and histories that are difficult to see and we would rather not have to confront what makes us uncomfortable. Out of sight, out of mind. That’s when it is extra important to lean in, continue learning, and keep growing. When we learn, it’s impossible for your heart to stay the same. You will be forever changed.

Books like Half the Sky, by Nicholas Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn initially opened my eyes to the struggles of girls around the world, and the impact of doing SOMETHING to help. Being in the Shana Chivon Social Justice Book Club and reading Evicted, The New Jim Crow, and The Color Purple have helped me learn and grow in the last year. Documentaries, movies, news articles, and meeting people from all walks of life will expand your heart and mind - I guarantee it. So don’t do it.

2. Believe that you can’t make a difference.

Remember those reasons I listed above? I’ve heard them all. I’ve SAID them all, but I wasn’t always like that. I graduated early from high school and left home at 17 to work in a Russian orphanage for a year. After that, I longed to do more - but I thought my time was over. I got married. I had babies. I became a single mother with three little boys looking up at me. I remarried and was busy being a wife and mom. I read stories of people doing amazing work around the world (Again, WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT THE READING?! DON’T DO IT!) and realized that these were not fearless superheroes with superhuman abilities. These were normal people doing “small things with great love,” just like Mother Teresa taught us. Small things add up to a VERY BIG IMPACT.

In our work around the world, sometimes HOPE looks like $5 so one girl can have all the washable sanitary supplies she will need for AN ENTIRE YEAR so she can STAY IN SCHOOL. That might feel the same as giving up a coffee drink, but to that girl who knows that education is the only key out of the poverty cycle - you have gift wrapped and opened up THE WHOLE WORLD. Her future, once limited and hopeless, is now ENDLESS.

3. Think about people as “others” rather than seeing the similarities.

When we look at a person, a community, or an experience through the lens of separating them from ourselves, and their lives as less than our own we lose the lens of humanity. To only see the differences will close and lock the door of your heart to experiencing the joys, pain, suffering, and triumphs of those around us. I’ve asked mothers in India, Kenya, Rwanda, and here in America what they hope for their children. What I discovered is that no matter where we are from, we hope for THE VERY SAME THINGS: safety, health, education, and that our children will have a good life. When you see the things we have in common, it gets very difficult to ignore the value that a person, race, community, or culture holds.

4. Say NO to new experiences and opportunities.

Anyone know the song Say No to This from Hamilton? Not exactly the same circumstances, but if you don’t want to change the world definitely say NO to new things that come your way. A friend invites you out for Ethiopian food? Say no. You’re asked to volunteer serving food at a homeless shelter? Nope again. Someone asks you to join a book club discussion on race? Not gonna happen. Each new experience builds an addition onto our cozy little comfort zone and has the potential to introduce us to incredible new people, places, foods, and ideas. Want to play it safe? Just say no.

5. Center yourself in the narrative of helping people and how it makes you feel - instead of thinking about how they are the hero of their own story.

Oh, yes, this one is a doozy and probably deserves a full blog post of its own. When we see OURSELVES as the hero and OTHERS, (there’s that pesky word again), as the ones who need rescued, we rob human beings of their dignity. It’s one thing to recognize privilege, resources, and injustice, but it’s another to see ourselves as the hero of someone else’s story. When we do something for people instead of empowering them to do the work of liberating themselves, it continues the problem of objectifying people and their struggles instead of helping them overcome the cause of their suffering.

Sure, doing good feels good, but that’s not why we should do it. Centering ourselves in the narrative of someone else’s story cultivates dependency and a power dynamic where we have the power. Empowering them does not divide and subtract from your own power. Instead it multiplies and grows exponentially, and, most importantly, it creates lasting and sustainable change.

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If you want to not make a difference in the world, this is a pretty fool-proof way to go about it.

If you DO want to change the world, please remember that it’s not about giant leaps, mountains of paperwork, or racking up the jet lag miles around the world. Changing the world and doing good is simple…you just have to start.